A Highschool Geek January 29, 2009

Back then when I had holiday in Indonesia, I met a friend of mine, Nadine. We’ve been friend since high school.

Our topic on cozy Bandung’s night is..

‘Which kind of type are we when we were highschool’

Basicly we pick this topic because we’re in a mall and every highschool girl wear the same fashion, have the same hair cut, everyone just so skinny, so prett, and so ain’t me

Oh well to make the story short, I’ll put the dialog here me Bunga (B) and she nadine (N)

B: ‘Hey, do you think we’re geek in highschool?’

N:’What!? Dude how come you think that way?’

B:’Well you know we’re not the regular girl who always go to study, we didn’t care about our look back then when we’re highschool, so we’re definitely not the cool type, and we’re also not the sporty type, we also not the band type, we’re not the homey type, so don’t you think we were geek back then?’

N: ‘Do you mean when we’re highschool we’re trying to make a movie, skipped the class from school using your Atoz car and hear the Greenday music, you didn’t careabout the boy and love stuff back then, yeah I think we’re somekind of geeky’

D:’You mean the cool geek right?’

N:’What?No man, I mean Hanna, she’s a cool geek with all her creepy look in her eyes, everyone thought she’s so damn smart but actually she’s an average?Do you know Juno?The movie?’

D:’Err.. yeah..’

N:’Have you ever see the movie?’

D:’Yes..’

N:’Hanna is very Juno, she has that charisma, we? we’re just the regular geek’

D:’Er.. kinda weird right?’

N:’well, everyone choose their own way, the cool becomes cooler, the religious one becomes house wive, and we choose to go abroad across the country and separated 6000 miles apart from our beloved one’

D:’…….’

From this conversation, you can say day we’re just stupid happy geek, that always makes fun in life and always take the good side of life even though we realized we’re geek after we graduated 6 years ago from high school. Well life’s just like a playground so we should enjoy every minute of it and enjoy every ride that offers, right?

PS:I write this post because I watched a movie called ‘Norah and Nick’s Infinite Play list’  the main actor Michael Sena is the sama actor that become the male role play in ‘Juno’

quarter life crisis January 28, 2009

in 9 months and 15 days I’ll have my bithday and I’ll turn 25, according to wikipedia right now I’m having a quarter life crisis, and how do I know it? It could recognize by it’s characteristic, it includes:

Characteristics of quarter-life crisis may include^:

• feeling “not good enough” because one can’t find a job that is at one’s academic/intellectual level
• frustration with relationships, the working world, and finding a suitable job or career
• confusion of identity
• insecurity regarding the near future
• insecurity concerning long-term plans, life goals
• insecurity regarding present accomplishments
• re-evaluation of close interpersonal relationships
• disappointment with one’s job
• nostalgia for university, college, high school or elementary school life
• tendency to hold stronger opinions
• boredom with social interactions
• loss of closeness to high school and college friends
• financially-rooted stress (overwhelming college loans, unanticipatedly high cost of living, etc.)
• loneliness
• desire to have children
• a sense that everyone is, somehow, doing better than you

I think somehow I had all those emotional aspects, unfortunately wikipedia doesn’t show how do I should handle it and when I could get over it. I guess stay calm, stay cool, keep praying, keep positive thinking should solve my problem.

But one thing for sure, I don’t want to lose from this crisis! WAPAW! (Jet Li style of kicking)

food-tography January 27, 2009

My roommate is such a bigfans of photography especially to take a shot from her cooking, somehow I get influence from her to take photo of my cooking, this one is one of my favorite photo Broccoli with cheese sauce, I get the recipe from

http://www.resepmasakanku.co.cc/2008/04/brokoli-saus-keju/

enjoy the photo and try to make the recipe, it’s very easy!

crash in January 27, 2009

Living in Netherland sometimes makes me feel like I’m livin in Twilight Zone, everyone acts different here, eventhough you know them well, sometimes you have to face the fact that you NEVER know them well.

I always tried to get close by Indonesian community here but by the time I tried to crashed in to some friends place, some people will say ‘hey you didn’t send me any news that you would get here’ sometimes I wonder what happen to all those people who always welcome their guess, and do the talk until midnight? Am I the one who always rejected by people or people really already changed? Because back then when I was living in village called Bandung, my friend always be friendly to me and welcoming every time I went to their house.

In the era of internet some people may say ‘hey why don’t  you send me an e-mail?’, I have to admit I really hate rejection, when I sent e-mail there will be 50% of rejection, and It’s kind of makes me dissapointed and sometimes it makes me feel like I’m useless and undervalued, some people even put formal word on their e-mail and it makes me think that they really don’t want me to come to their house.

Oh well, accepted or not accepted it’s their right, I did my best as a human who wants to bound silahturahim at least I did best according to me, what comes to me?  Wallahualam Bissawab..

homecoming blues… January 27, 2009

Some people may write about their new year resolution on their blog, some also write about their prediction and expectation on this new year.

I didn’t have any mood to do that, somehow on this new year didn’t give me any new hope, my mind stuck on regreting what have I done in the past, and it didn’t solve any problem since I didn’t know what to do for my future. I wish somehow I could drag my feet away from this black hole that always suck me into the deepest darkness *this is a bit exaggerating*

The problem started with my home coming for this winter somehow this ‘home coming blues’ doesn’t heal that fast perhaps because I spent most of my times at home to study all by my self, well that’s because i have to otherwise I wouldn’t be able to graduate in the perfect time

Somehow I overcome this homecoming blues by telling my problem to my friends,  I have to admit it for better or worse people basicly a social creature, first person that I called is.. Rahma! We’re separated by english channel but still I could contact her, and somehow telling her about all that I did in Indonesia and all those stupid promise that I made with my boyfriend and all my worries about my future makes me feel that I’m not alone.

Yet still when the daylight end up I was crying like a baby the feeling of loneliness and all those pain when you come when you feel sad come into my heart. Have you ever felt it? to have someone that you love but you can’t even touch them or see them  sometimes when you close your eyes you can feel their touch, listen to their voice, and those fading image about them seemed to return in your eyes. It hurts to realize the fact that eventhough they were still alive but they are far away from you.

In my weeping night I remembered about my late friends she died 4 years ago, she was my best friend, she left me so sudden I coudn’t even say goodbye to her. Eventhough I already get over my sadness, but sometimes if I got down I remembered her eventhough it’s judt a blurred image on my mind or just burble of her voice. After she left it took me sometimes for me to get over her, to accept that she’s no longer in this world. I was really on unhealthy mindstate back then and I’m always think that time was my darkness time.

This homecoming blues made me re-think again am I worth enough to life?

Oh god, I know You were there, always watching me and give me a guidance to life, I believe that if You without your permission  and guidance I wouldn’t be able to walk even one step in my life. God I’m begging you please give me a strong heart, a heart that strong enough to fight all the sadness in my mind, a heart that strong enough to give me positive mind in my brain, a heart that always let me know that I’m not gonna lonely in this world eventhough I’m alone, aheart that able to receive any reality in live eventhough it’s really bitter.

I believe something happens for a reason, when I haven’t found that reason I never tried to look for it, I just believe that the reason is exist, and I will know it sooner or latter.