friendship September 17, 2009

not so long time ago I believe that friend is someone that you really able to count on, but now I don’thave any faith on that words.

I mean, to be honest, all my friends hurt me, stab me, dissed me, left me, and sometimes they didn’t know that I’m exist.

All my journey makes me think the necessity of friend, do I really need them?

I do feel alone a lot of time, and I know that I won’t be able to shed the feelingif I don’t see snybody else. But do we have to call the friend?

I’m kinda skeptical with all these friend thing they hurt me so much, just like my boyfriend always do. But my friends they are meanier, I mean sometimes you didn’t do anything and they just let you go.

People say thatfriendship is just like platonic love, you love people but you can’t expect the love will return back, it’s tragically true. But I’m a demanding person, I don’t like if someone don’t reply my love, my affection, or whatever is the name, and I’m easily to have trauma. Once my heart is hurt, I don’t want to get hurt anymore. That’s why I’m not easy when it comes to friend people relationship, and sometimes I regret it I really want to be friendly but  I can’t or I should say my heart and my mind not in the same place.

My beloved fella, I dunno what should I say about it, I know I should change myself but I dunno where to start, but most important question is still a mistery will I ever get a good, nice friend, hat will accomply my standard?

Where will you be in another 5 years? March 28, 2009

I probably want to live in Japan, taking a doctoral course about very large floating structure, while taking care of my only child, and off course I’d like to deliver my child abroad. I will prefer to live with my husband who just taking his master degree.

Just a thought November 21, 2008

Yesterday,

My friend remind me that I should update my blog, so here it is I update my blog.

Last we met friend of a friend, she’s ms.T friend and studied in Korea, it’s been a while since I talked with real Indonesian girl, that girl who took international law as her study is amazing she can express her feeling she can describe about her department, and really I can’t say anything when she told me that she was really upset with her friend because they are being in a group and she really felt that she’s being outside the group.Isn’t she just amazing? I mean I never tell the story that if it’s a group I’m always be alone, because I thought it’s normal.

To be honest sister, I’m always feel that I’m outside the group, never be accepted everywhere, I have to admit that I do really feel lonely in this world and sometimes it got me struck and I feel can’t do anything, and I’m fighting against that feeling, or exactly I don’t know whether I should fight it or accept the feeling as part of me. God, what did I wrote?

Ms.T’s friend thanks for making me realize about the value of friendship, living in Europe makes me want to forget about that, but for now can I just keep this feeling inside?can I just live inhumanly, torturing my heart with acting pragmatism to my surround environment, well I guess until I finish my study, just let me learn from the world about the real world.

Hey, this blog makes me think, why am I writing such a thing that made me sad?Just cheer up, rise your head up high, because you never know perhaps this day the world is being nice to you.

Nebeng on in other word ‘being parasite’ August 1, 2008

Since 2 days ago I’m officially being an european hobo, damn what a silly name, I live in my friends house, well actually they are not really good friends of mine, i never really knows them personally, and sometimes when they talks about their personal life i feel like lost in space. There are 2 peoples living in this room, they knowed each other well, once more I feel like an alien in a place that I know, I’m just wondering is it me with super sensitive feeling or everybody feel this way every time they spent a night with someone they really don’t know. I feel really really insecure here, stranded and very lonely. God, I feel very lonely here, if you could grant my wish, please give a good friend that I could be able talk everything to them, that i’m able to be comfortable with, and if you able please granted my wish now…

schoonmaak July 11, 2008

schoonmaak means cleaning and ‘merapihkan’ everything

today is my schoonmaak day, because today is my last available day to this cleaning thing, OMG it’s very tyrin… makes me regret why didn’t I leave spacebox to binnenhoff *it would be easier in terms of cleaning room* why didn’t I do this and that ooh why does the schoonmaken time becomes very melancholist?

and then I started to think I have to do all this cleaning and erase my previous ‘existence’ in this room, if I have to leave this country, do i have to erase all my existence here?